Todd and I have had our tough times before and got through them with working together with a counselor and moving past the issues. As the counselor always says, “Plan on the future: you havent screwed that up yet!”
I was convinced last month that it was time to separate for a little while to determine how to move forward in this marriage. I had gone so far as to physically looking at apartments for myself and the pup. It was that bad.
After several more days of argueing about what the true issues were, we decided that we needed to continue to work on our marriage. When I am upset or disappointed in Todd, I have a hard time seeing the good in him, which begins a vicious cycle of arguments and nitpicking. I decided that instead of focusing on the bad, I was going to start writing out why I love him.
This was the first “I love you because…” message I left for Todd early in October. It seems like a silly reason to love him, but on this particular morning when I wrote the message on the dry-erase board, I was struggling. We had a rough night the evening before and I emotionally shut down on him. This was all I could come up with.
Todd found the message 6 hours after I wrote it and texted me while I was at work. He received the message well and began to tell me why he loved me.
Since then, we have been working on focusing on why we love one another instead of the negative attributes that get under our skin. I try to write a message up on the dry-erase board inconspicuously once a week. Not only does it show Todd that I love him, but it reminds me why I fell in love with him in the first place.
Even though our marriage has not been a smooth road from the get-go, we are dedicated to making it work. As often as we want to walk away, we realize that that is truly the easy way out. It is much more difficult to work on the relationship than to walk away.