Todd and I have had our tough times before and got through
them with working together with a counselor and moving past the issues. As the counselor always says, “Plan on the
future: you havent screwed that up yet!”
I was convinced last month that it was time to separate for
a little while to determine how to move forward in this marriage. I had gone so far as to physically looking at
apartments for myself and the pup. It was that bad.
After several more days of argueing about what the true
issues were, we decided that we needed to continue to work on our
marriage. When I am upset or
disappointed in Todd, I have a hard time seeing the good in him, which begins a
vicious cycle of arguments and nitpicking.
I decided that instead of focusing on the bad, I was going to start
writing out why I love him.
This was the first “I love you because…” message I left for
Todd early in October. It seems like a
silly reason to love him, but on this particular morning when I wrote the
message on the dry-erase board, I was struggling. We had a rough night the evening before and I
emotionally shut down on him. This was
all I could come up with.
Todd found the message 6 hours after I wrote it and texted
me while I was at work. He received the
message well and began to tell me why he loved me.
Since then, we have been working on focusing on why
we love one another instead of the negative attributes that get under
our skin. I try to write a message up on
the dry-erase board inconspicuously once a week. Not only does it show Todd that I love him,
but it reminds me why I fell in love with him in the first place.
Even though our marriage has not been a smooth road from the get-go, we are dedicated to making it work. As often as we want to walk away, we realize that that is truly the easy way out. It is much more difficult to work on the relationship than to walk away.
Thank you so much for not only taking the time to write this post but to share something so personal. I am sure that whoever reads this will stop and think twice before giving up on something so precious. Such a blessing to have you as a friend!
ReplyDeleteAww, thank you Vicki. You are right, a marriage is precious. It is a covenant between two people and God to be together "as long as life shall last" as Alisa DiLorenzo at OneExtraordinaryMarriage.com says on the podcast. I need to keep this in the forefront of my mind. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you.
DeletePerfect! I am so glad you shared this. Marriage does take work. The amazing thing is that the more positive you do bring into the marriage, the less "work" it takes. You build trust, communication, friendship and love. Can't wait to see you again and give you a hug!
ReplyDeleteGreat points, Carol! You are my voice of reason through everything. :-) Much love to you and your hubby.
DeleteMegen,
ReplyDeleteWhat a testament to your willingness to make marriage work in spite of the obstacles that you face, that we all face. I love you because is a powerful tool to remind us of all the good instead of the focus on the negative. You will find that as you focus more on the positives it will bring out the positive in both of you because you make decisions based on building your marriage. Thank you for sharing this post with us.
Thank you, Alisa, for all that you and Tony do for all of us who are striving to make our marriages better. And thank you for your advice when I asked for it and your prayers for our marriage.
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